


Much Ado About Chickens (or "With This Chicken I Thee Wed")

by Silvarbelle



Category: the untamed
Genre: M/M, but i do and so here we are, i can't believe how much i love the untamed/mo dao zu shi, i love these hooligans, i promised my next fic would be about chickens, romance and snoggin' towards the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25595272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvarbelle/pseuds/Silvarbelle
Summary: What the CLUCK?   Wei Wuxian has the sense of clucky mutterings with every gift and kindness his Lan Zhan gives him, beginning with Unexpected Proposal Chickens.
Relationships: Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian
Comments: 74
Kudos: 591





	Much Ado About Chickens (or "With This Chicken I Thee Wed")

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my sister for the fast beta and for getting me addicted to MDZS/The Untamed!

Wei Wuxian had kittens on the spot as he turned to find Lan Zhan very much _not_ where he’d left the man.

He hurried over, catching hold of Lan Zhan. If he was a tad clumsy in his haste to grab on, Wei Wuxian felt he could be excused. Lan Zhan was an _unpredictable_ drunkard and a _powerful_ cultivator. If Lan Zhan got obstinate, there was no guarantee that Wei Wuxian could contain or control him.

Lan Zhan _did_ get a little obstinate, but in an endearing way. Stoned out of his gourd, all he did was lead Wei Wuxian to the small farm’s coop and lob roosters at him.

With his hands full of cock, Wei Wuxian wondered if his beloved Lan Zhan had finally flown his own mental coop. 

But then, Lan Zhan said in a low, desperate tone: “For you.”

Wei Wuxian looked down at the fowl he held and then up at the other man.

“What are you giving me a rooster for?” he asked, utterly confused.

Lan Zhan stared at him… and then, dove back into the coop, scrabbling after the understandably agitated birds.

Wei Wuxian hastily grabbed at the nearest arm while holding onto the rooster he’d been given with his free hand. “Lan Zhan! What are you doing? Do you realize that you’re _stealing?_ ”

He battled back his urge to laugh and struggled to keep his voice down. The chickens were making enough noise already. Wei Wuxian winced at the thought of the hit Lan Zhan’s reputation would take if they were discovered stealing chickens.

Lan Zhan pulled back from the coop with another rooster in his hands. He held it for Wei Wuxian to see.

“Are they fat enough?” the inebriated man asked.

Wei Wuxian looked at the two chickens (rather scrawny, if he was honest about it) and then at Lan Zhan. The Gusu Lan Clan cultivator was giving him an intense stare. That was not unusual, but the stare felt different this time; simultaneously desperate and soft. Wei Wuxian thought Lan Zhan’s sweet vulnerability was somewhat charming. The earnest need for his approval of the—

Wei Wuxian blinked. Lan Zhan was desperately seeking his _approval_. He wanted to know if his _offering_ pleased Wei Wuxian!

His offering of _chickens_.

Lan Zhan was worried that the chickens weren’t _plump_ enough.

And such only mattered _that_ much when one was _proposing_.

Wei Wuxian blinked again and then smiled reassuringly at Lan Zhan. He knew the other man wouldn’t remember this moment – but _he_ would.

Wei Wuxian would always remember Lan Zhan’s sweet, awkward, drunken attempt at telling him how much he meant to Lan Zhan.

 _If only…_ Wei Wuxian thought, and hid his heartbreak as he always did. _If only I could accept – but then, your reputation really **would** suffer beyond repair. Ah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan… you are so unfair to this poor man!_

“Yeah, they’re fat enough,” Wei Wuxian said, smiling. He gave a ‘thumb’s up.’ “They’re _really_ fat. You’re amazing!”

Lan Zhan abruptly shoved the second chicken at Wei Wuxian. “They’re all for you.”

He stared at Wei Wuxian with the sort of intensity that implied he was trying to speak directly through his brain.

Wei Wuxian kept the sad resignation he felt from appearing on his face. He was very glad to know that Lan Zhan cared so much about him, but he was sad that, once sober, Lan Zhan would again retreat behind his aloof mask of indifference. But he would rather feel this sadness and keep it than let Lan Zhan feel it for even a moment, so he smiled sweet and soft at his soulmate.

Lan Zhan took that smile as good enough. He stood, swaying a bit, and then tottered off as something else caught his attention.

Cursing, Wei Wuxian shoved the Unexpected Proposal Chickens back into their coop and hurried after his Lan Zhan.

*~*~*~*

Wei Wuxian couldn’t bring himself to say what he was thinking.

After the tale of the Twin Jades’ parents, and Lan Xichen’s unexpected flute solo, Lan Xichen then confessed that he no longer knew his brother as well as he thought he had.

Essentially: he could not predict what Lan Wangji would do so long as anything had to do with Wei Wuxian. The only thing he was certain of was Wangji’s stubbornness when it came to Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian said nothing. He understood the parallels in the story told to him versus the story of the lives he and Lan Zhan had thus far lived. He _felt_ so much – grief and love – and knew that no matter how much he _hoped_ to keep his Lan Zhan, the other man was likely better off without him.

As if to underscore every last one of Lan Xichen’s words, Lan Zhan appeared not long after. He stepped into the courtyard of the Shadow Bamboo Pavilion and came to a halt just past the gate.

With a small, subtle smile on his face, he lifted his left arm towards Wei Wuxian. Dangling from his elegant fingers were two pale jars of Emperor’s Smile.

For a brief moment in Wei Wuxian’s sight, the jars were transposed with a couple of scrawny roosters.

The vision faded and they became simple jars again even as he looked to Lan Xichen. There, he saw the older man looking at Lan Zhan with fondness and a great deal of worry – but no anger at this blatant violation of the Gusu Lan Sect’s rules.

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes for a moment. He’d heard Lan Xichen’s subtle warning to go carefully with Lan Zhan; to not hurt him as the brothers’ parents had hurt each other – and them.

Lan Xichen took his leave a few moments later. The three of them bowed to each other and then Lan Zhan made his way into the Cultivation Chamber, roving past Wei Wuxian silent as a shadow.

Wei Wuxian watched Lan Xichen depart. His mind echoed over and over again with Lan Xichen’s gentle warnings. He knew how much Lan Xichen loved Lan Zhan; knew that this graceful, gentle man would do what he could to protect Lan Zhan as much as possible while also not causing harm to Wei Wuxian.

 _It can’t be helped,_ Wei Wuxian thought. _I hurt anyway. I know I love him. I know I can’t have him. Lan Zhan is my friend, my soulmate – I know this. Despite being given chickens that he doesn’t even remember: I know Lan Zhan cares. I can’t keep him. Don’t worry, Zewu Jun: I’ll be good to Lan Zhan. I will honor him in this life as I failed to do in the last._

He turned and made his way into the chamber where Lan Zhan waited for him.

*~*~*~*

Exhausted, aching, heart-sick to the depths of him – Wei Wuxian was grateful to be in this small safe space on a Lotus Pier lake, in a boat with Lan Zhan and Wen Ning.

The memory of his beloved sister was beautiful and painful in his heart and mind – alongside the memory of his brother. To once have been so worried about and fussed over by Jiang Cheng and to now be so utterly despised was as horrid as the brutal absence of their sister, made only worse for Wei Wuxian with the knowledge that Yanli’s loss was entirely his fault.

He blinked away the painful memories and tears trickled down his cheeks. Wen Ning, that sweet one, immediately asked what was wrong.

Wei Wuxian gave a bittersweet smile and said, “I’m hungry.”

When he turned his head away from Wen Ning, he turned into Lan Zhan’s gaze and knew the truth of his words was exposed. He couldn’t hide, couldn’t dissemble, that this man didn’t find him out immediately. Most days, this talent of Lan Zhan’s was an amusement and a comfort.

Right now, it rankled – or it did, until he saw how soft Lan Zhan was. All that aloof tension was gone and every bit of him was focused utterly on Wei Wuxian. It was easy to see that how Wei Wuxian felt _mattered_ to Lan Zhan.

Feeling too exposed, Wei Wuxian peered over the side of the boat and smiled. There was the answer to the immediate problem! Leaning over, Wei Wuxian plucked three lotus seed pods with practiced ease and hauled them into the boat. He handed one long-stemmed pod to the man beside him and then tossed another to Wen Ning. He then, showed the two of them how to pluck, peel and eat the seeds from the pod.

“Wei Ying.”

Oh, his name in that soft, deep voice…! Wei Wuxian could never hear Lan Zhan say his name and _not_ shiver slightly.

“What?” he prompted, noting that Lan Zhan hadn’t even begun peeling a seed from the pod he held.

“Does this lake belong to someone?”

“Of course not,” Wei Wuxian replied, tossing a seed into his mouth. 

His answer was mostly the truth: the lake didn’t belong to anyone in particular – but it _did_ belong to the Jiang Clan… of which he, himself, no longer belonged to.

“I heard that the lakes here all have owners,” Lan Zhan persisted.

Wei Wuxian winced. Jiang Clan lakes… which anyone attached to the clan could harvest from. And since none of the three men in the boat were attached to Jiang Clan, they were effectively stealing.

Wei Wuxian attempted to bluff. “Hanguang Jun, you really hear a lot, don’t you? I’m _from_ here and I didn’t even hear that!”

He looked away for a moment… and then, back, and yes – there it was: Lan Zhan’s look of _’You aren’t fooling me.’_

Wei Wuxian sighed and caved in. He would not repay his Lan Zhan’s kindness by forcing him to become a thief.

“Fine, fine,” he muttered, and turned to the man sitting by the oar. “Wen Ning – let’s go.”

It took a few moments, but Wen Ning finally caught on. He tossed down his lotus pod and began fumbling with the oar, getting ready to propel the three of them away from Lotus Pier.

And then, Lan Zhan leaned over the edge of the boat and Wen Ning went still.

Wei Wuxian turned when he heard the particular creak and squish of a lotus pod stem tearing. He faced Lan Zhan just in time to see the white robed man sitting upright again, now holding a different lotus pod. Both of them looked at it, and then Lan Zhan offered the pod to Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian jerked back in surprise. Hadn’t Lan Zhan just been on him about stealing…?

“Only today,” Lan Zhan murmured.

Wei Wuxian stared at him and then at the lotus pod and then back at Lan Zhan. The intensity of the stare Lan Zhan was giving him… Wei Wuxian had the feeling that the lotus pod being offered to him might as well be covered in feathers and clucking at him.

Wei Wuxian felt his heart lurch in his chest. Gods give him a _break_ – Lan Zhan was so unfair!

But he still smiled and accepted the pod before turning to look at Wen Ning with a desperate glare, trying to communicate his need for support against Lan Zhan’s utter unfairness.

Wen Ning simply gave him a sweet smile and ate another lotus seed.

Wei Wuxian sighed and set about digging out the seeds from the pod Lan Zhan had given him. He felt as much as saw the pleasure in Lan Zhan’s gaze; that his beloved soulmate was happy to have his gift accepted.

 _So unfair,_ Wei Wuxian pouted, but said nothing of it. 

For the next hour, lotus pods piled up around the three of them as they snacked on the seeds. The comfort of being in a somewhat safe location, with two people he trusted entirely – and eating yummy things – was doing much to ease the pain in Wei Wuxian’s body and heart.

As he ate, Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Zhan eating so neatly. He frowned as something tugged at his memory.

“Lan Zhan… did I ever… pick lotus seeds and water chestnuts for you?” he asked.

Lan Zhan went very still for a few moments and then looked at him.

“Not until now,” he answered. “When you were a student at Cloud Recesses, you invited me to Lotus Pier and promised to pick them for me.”

Something horrid and tight eased away from Wei Wuxian’s chest. He smiled, relaxing.

“Ah, good,” he said. “That’s one good promise I’ve finally kept, then. I’m glad it was one I made to you.”

“I would rather have Wei Ying than water chestnuts.”

Wei Wuxian stared at Lan Zhan and felt his heart lurch again.

“Second Young Master Lan can now have both!” Wen Ning opined, bright happiness in his tone.

Wei Wuxian would have protested on Lan Zhan’s behalf had Lan Zhan not gone “Mn” and given a single, graceful nod.

He stared at the other man, flabbergasted. “Lan Zhan!”

Lan Zhan simply looked back at him, entirely unperturbed.

Wei Wuxian felt his face flush with heat, but he still smiled as he looked down to pick at the lotus pod again.

Only a few moments later: a messenger butterfly arrived in a splash of gentle orange light and settled don Lan Zhan’s extended palm. Wei Wuxian sighed as he recognized the end of the lovely interlude of peace and quiet.

 _Ah, well,_ he thought. _At least we had this moment._

He dropped the lotus pod he held and focused his thoughts less on Lan Zhan and more on their mission.

*~*~*~*

Wei Wuxian stood as still as possible with the golden thread pulled taut against his throat.

“Next: I even want Hanguang-Jun to seal his spiritual powers himself,” Jin Guangyao declared.

Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian both looked utterly horrified at the prospect. Lan Wangji glared cold hatred at Jin Guangyao.

“What should you call that?” taunted the villain. “Is _that_ ‘too far’?”

“You…!”

Wei Wuxian’s protest cut off with the increased pressure of the wire at his neck. He felt his flesh part a little more and a thin stream of liquid trailed down his throat. Lan Zhan’s face paled until he seemed almost translucent.

“Oh, but he _must_ listen to me,” goaded Jin Guangyao. “How could he not? His very life is in my hands.”

Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to protest – and made no sound as, with a few key gestures, Lan Zhan sealed away his spiritual powers.

In an instant: he seemed somehow _less_. Lan Wangji had not been physically altered, but the loss of his spiritual power gave him the appearance of having diminished and shrunk.

Wei Wuxian’s heart hurt to see it. “Lan Zhan…”

Lan Zhan locked gazes with him. Wei Wuxian would have sworn blind in that moment he again heard the background music of chickens clucking around.

Thunder rolled and rain began pattering down – but he could still hear gentle clucky mutterings.

 _You give too much, Lan Zhan,_ he thought. _Don’t let me be the death of you!_

As they all relocated into the Guanyin Temple, Jin Guangyao finally relented the golden thread. He put a hand against Wei Wuxian’s back and shoved him over to Lan Wangji, who caught him instantly when he stumbled over.

Wei Wuxian looked at his Lan Zhan, but found the other man glaring dark hatred at Jin Guangyao. Wei Wuxian shivered – thrilled to see it. With his shiver, Lan Zhan refocused on him immediately.

“Are you cold?” Lan Zhan asked, his voice a low murmur. “I’ll give you my robe—“

“No,” Wei Wuxian interrupted. “You give so much – too much. Lan Zhan: you didn’t have to do that.”

He settled on the kneeling cushion Lan Zhan procured for him, his back against a pillar. Lan Zhan settled down beside him on his own cushion.

“That year between us… you didn’t have to do that,” Wei Wuxian repeated. “You owe me nothing.”

“I didn’t do it because I felt I owed you,” Lan Zhan murmured. “I did it because it was the right thing to do.”

 _Only that?_ Wei Wuxian wondered, and the ethereal chicken noises faded.

Throughout the rest of the night, those clucks returned with every instance where Lan Zhan moved defensively on his behalf.

After all: having the intense regard and trust of Lan Wangji, Hanguang Jun, was gift enough. For him to care enough to be so obviously furious and protective… Wei Wuxian could only marvel that he wasn’t drowning in a mental barrage of ghostly chickens.

And then, chickens were no longer on the menu as everything went to dramatic shit.

*~*~*~*

After the mess that took place at Guanyin Temple – after all of the intrigue and wickedness was exposed – and the cultivation world settled down from the uproar, and Hanguang Jun had been named as Chief Cultivator, Wei Wuxian figured it was time to get on with his new life.

He wanted to wander the world. He would be a rogue cultivator like his parents had been. He’d go where he would; he’d explore the world and see new things and help where he could.

He would write to Lan Zhan, of course. He promised to write so often that Lan Zhan would get sick of seeing the messenger on his doorstep!

“I could never be sick of you,” Lan Zhan said quietly.

 _Then why are you letting me go?_ Wei Wuxian wondered.

The two of them walked together, with Wei Wuxian leading Li’l Apple. The saddlebags were packed with journey food and other odds and ends; stuffed full of necessities by the Juniors _and_ Lan Zhan. When he’d told of his future plans to wander, he’d hoped that Lan Zhan would simply pack a bag and go with him.

Instead, Lan Zhan had murmured about helping Wei Wuxian prepare for travel and offering to escort him past Gusu Lan borders.

When they passed a farm with a yard full of chickens, Wei Wuxian kept his gaze away from them.

Eventually, they came to a high hill ridge; a thin, shallow footpath marking the way for travelers to go through the wild grasses. Wei Wuxian came to a halt and Lan Zhan moved to stand in front of him, facing him.

They looked at each other in silence for a long while. The only sounds around them was the thunder that rumbled in the distance as a storm moved over the other hills and Li’l Apple ripping up grasses and crunching with abandon.

Wei Wuxian finally gave a wry smile as he acknowledged that his Lan Zhan would never speak first. That was not his way.

Pointing past the other man with Chenqing, he said, “I will go that way.”

Lan Zhan gestured past him with Bichen. “I will go this way.”

Wei Wuxian gave a quick smile because if he didn’t, he knew he would cry.

“Do you know where you will go?” Lan Zhan asked, surprising him.

Wei Wuxian shook his head and let his smile fade. “It’s a big world that we live in. I will wander with my fine wine and a ride, and make it my home.”

He watched Lan Zhan look down, his face subtly expressing… disappointment? Loss? He gave the tiniest of nods.

It hurt to see, but as Lan Zhan said nothing, Wei Wuxian knew it was time to break the thread connecting them.

“Lan Zhan,” he said softly, “I will get going.”

Lan Zhan said nothing and so, gathering his donkey, Wei Wuxian walked past the other man, who obligingly moved aside for the two of them.

Wei Wuxian did his level best to hide that he felt like his heart was shattering into nothingness.

He walked, waving goodbye without looking back as he called out: “As long as the sea is bound to wash up on the sand, and stars are above you, we will meet again!”

When he did finally glance over his shoulder, Lan Zhan was receding into the distance, moving at a steady pace with one arm behind his back as he walked away.

Wei Wuxian swallowed against the lump of emotional agony and kept going.

He made it over onto the next hill before he finally had to stop and breathe through the ache. When he had his breathing under control, he pulled Chenqing to his lips and began to play.

 _Their song_ spilled forth in bright, clear, elegant harmony.

While Li’l Apple munched grass contentedly, Wei Wuxian played his heart out – literally. He knew that this was _their_ song: his and Lan Zhan’s. He played in the hope that the other man was still close enough to hear this love song; to hear that Wei Wuxian might be physically leaving, but never emotionally.

He was nearly to the end of the song when he heard: “Wei Ying.”

The sound of his flute cut off instantly. He held perfectly still for a few moments, hoping to hear his name again. He didn’t and he let Chenqing fall to his side as he feared he’d hallucinated Lan Zhan’s voice—

—just as he was now, again, hallucinating the gentle boks and clucks of chickens.

Steeling himself, Wei Wuxian turned… and went still again as he very nearly wobbled off his feet.

There was Lan Zhan – beautiful, perfect Lan Zhan. He was really and truly standing there. Bichen was hung at his waist and, in his lovely hands, was a pair of fat chickens.

He held two roosters in his hands and offered them out with one corner of his mouth tilted up.

For one of the rare moments in his life: Wei Wuxian was at a loss for words. He allowed his actions to speak for him.

His love and relief expressed itself in a brilliant smile as he reached out and curled his hands around Lan Zhan’s. He did not take the chickens from the other man.

He stepped forward, stepped closer, holding the chickens between them.

The other corner of Lan Zhan’s mouth went up.

*~*~*

Wei Wuxian, of course, found his voice soon enough.

“You really mean it?” he asked. “No regrets, Lan Zhan?”

“Only that I did not stand by your side then,” said Lan Zhan. “I will stand by your side now – always – if Wei Ying will have me.”

Wei Wuxian felt as though the corners of his mouth would tear with the strength of his smile.

“Of course Wei Ying will have his Lan Zhan!” he answered enthusiastically, laughter in his voice. “Wei Ying wants nothing _but_ his Lan Zhan!”

Lan Zhan released an audible breath. “It is only… you seemed set on wandering the world…”

“And I still might do, occasionally – but by then, I expect the Chief Cultivator will need a break. His Excellency may travel _with_ me and release the tensions of his workload, and when that is done _we_ will return to Cloud Recesses.”

“You are certain…?”

“That you are my Lan Zhan and that I am your Wei Ying – I am certain. I did not want to go, but… I wasn’t certain you wanted me to stay.”

“I wasn’t certain you wanted to stay, either. I had thought to hand the Chief Cultivator position to someone else.”

Wei Wuxian caught his breath. “To be with me?”

“Mn. Will give up anything – do anything – to be with Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes as he blurted out an incredulous laugh. “Lan Zhan! You…!” He opened his eyes and looked with supreme fondness at the other man. “You _smooth talker_ , you! How am I meant to resist you when you say such romantic things to me?”

Absolute pleasure and warmth filled Lan Zhan’s gaze. “You are not meant to resist me.”

“And so I won’t,” Wei Wuxian agreed.

He stepped closer; leaned up on his toes and tilted his head. His breathing quickened and he heard the sharp intake of Lan Zhan’s breath—

—the chickens fluttered and rustled, clucking their irritableness at being squished between the two men.

Wei Wuxian fell back with a huff, his lips not having made contact with Lan Zhan’s.

“I suppose we’d best get these roosters back to the farm you stole them from,” he muttered.

“I did not steal them,” Lan Zhan said, a tiny frown puckering his brow. “Stealing is prohibited. I paid for these roosters. As soon as I heard you play, I mounted Bichen and hurried to the farm to get them and then came back to offer them to you.”

“Lan _Zhan_ ,” Wei Wuxian groaned. “You are _impossible!_ My heart can’t take such an onslaught! You really are too perfect.”

“No – that is you.”

“ _Lan Zhan!_ ”

Wei Wuxian tossed the chickens into the grass. They could catch the things again later.

Lan Zhan didn’t resist as Wei Wuxian caught hold of the lapels of his robe and yanked him close for a scorching hot kiss – the first of many.

As the two men twined their arms around each other, holding tight as they kissed and kissed and _kissed_ , the boks and clucks of chickens filled the air around them.

End

**Author's Note:**

> I'm too damned stupid to figure out how to embed links, so, if anyone wants to see the GORGEOUS art that Pakhnokh did of the tail end of the story, here ya go! 
> 
> https://twitter.com/pakhnokh/status/1356912434980749315


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